I had a fan-freakin-tastic day today, even if I didn't get to bed until 0330ish.  Slept some then caught up with my lovely hostess and friend Nicole. Unfortunately she had to go to work today. Fortunately it was only until 1230. Talked with some friends back in Ohio this morning.  Nic came and got me and took me up to Nob Hill area and we had some mexican lunch and went into girly stores.  She took me to one bookstore kind of place that I had a great time in.  I found my favorite oil, amber and sandlewood, and a little piece of my old spunk.


While in the store there was a veeeery cute guy who worked there. I asked him about where the oils were that we had smelled samples of. They kept them behind the counter.  I asked for the kind I wanted and he brought it back with a bit of a playful smile, teased me that this was his very last bottle.  I said that it must of been meant just for me then, because I couldn't get it where I'm from. The owner, an older man, piped up and said that they shipped anywhere.  I told him that he was doing it all wrong, that he should have been saying that this was the only place in the world to find it and give me another reason to move to Portland. I looked over at the cute guy and said like I needed yet another reason to move here from what I could see already. I thanked them and went off to wander around the store looking at scarves and hats and shinies.  The cute guy kinda followed us around. Ok, that may be my imagination or he was afraid we were gonna steal the oil. But every time I turned a corner of this meandering building into another section there he was smiling at me.  I felt so daring that I (gaspfaintshock) took off my bandana and let my hair down!!! After I bought the oil I felt so bold that I took a note page from out of my calendar and wrote:


If you are single and interested
Shannon Heather
937-insert my phone number here


I have felt giggly ever since. As I told my friend Jeff, I feel so comfortable and balanced here that it makes me off balance.  LOL  I feel a bit of my spirit come back this trip.  It is....invigorating.  I came here to meet a friend of mine and spend time with her and to meet someone face to face, know that they were real, and tell them thank you and how I felt about them.  I did both. I also got to wander around without an agenda and just BE.  


I am indeed grateful and blessed. Thought I do miss my baby. 

For future reference everywhere

I seek the spinning thread of my true path.
May all that I seek be shown to me.
I shall come to see beyond my senses.
I shall be focused and true of purpose.
I shall be opened to ecstasy and inspiration.
I shall learn to offer sacrifice with selflessness.
I shall never fear to walk in darkness.
I shall be wise in the ways of the dep places.


May I know when to remain silent. 


Divine Grace grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


I look to the East, and I see you in light of the sun rising. I feel you in the soft, moist breeze of spring.


I look to the South, and I see you in the high light of mid-day. I feel you in the shimmering heat of summer.


I look to the West, and I see you in the last lights of the day, the amazing light of autumn.


I look to the North, and I see you in the clear stars of the night, the crisp dark winter.


Earth


You are the Earth around me, You are the Heartbeat within me. You are the Ground beneath me, You are all that I am.


Blessed Earth, grant me Your strength, heart, healing, and grace.


I dedicate my hands to the work of healing bodies; show me where to bring the food of life.


Blessed be the Earth that gives me strength and a home.


Fire


You are the Fire around me, You are the Spark of life within me. You are the Flame burning through me, are are all that I am.


Blessed Fire, grant me Your light, heat, protection, and passion.


I dedicate my mind to work of healing spirits; show me where to bring the light of life.


Blessed be Fire that enflames my spirit.


Water


You are the Water around me, You are the Pulse of life within me. You are the Ocean flowing through me, You are all that I am.


Blessed Water, grant me Your intuition, life-force, currents and flow.


I dedicate my mind to the work of healing hearts; show me where to bring the water of life.


Blessed be Water that brings balm to my heart.


Air


You are the Air around me, You are the Breath of life within. You are the Wind blowing through me, You are all that I am.


Blessed Air, grant me Your clarity, wisdom, knowledge, and song.


I dedicate my mind to the work of healing minds; show me where to bring the breath of life.


Blessed be Air that gives me clarity and change.


God








Goddess


I go in the footsteps of a thousand mothers, a thousand grandmothers and in the footsteps of my own mother before me, each bearing the face of the Goddess.


I go in the footsteps of the Maiden, young and bright


I go in the footsteps of the Warrior, bearing bow and protecting my own


I go in the footsteps of the Mother, strong and confident


I go in the footsteps of the Healer, nurturing and compassionate


I go in the footsteps of the Crone, wise and knowing


I go in the footsteps of the Dark Mother, walking the shadows


Hail Freya, Frigga, Blodeuwedd; Hail Demeter, Kali, Inanna


Blessed be the Divine Feminine, Goddess bright and dark


Divine


I look to the East, and I thank you for the light of the morning sun in the spring.


I look to the South, and I thank you for the mid-day sun and the shimmering heat of summer.


I look to the West, and I thank you for the amazing light of autumn.


I look to the North, and I thank you for the light stars in the dark sky of winter.

Thought Processes

Some things this past week occurred that made me realize how far I have come in the past few years.  I have managed to develop a no drama/no games allowed tolerance in my lifestyle.  


I don't play games
I don't allow other people's drama to seep into my life
I say what I mean and mean what I say


These are things I am still working on but that have taken a firm root in my life.  What I am having the most problem with is that others lives are not compatible with that. They say they are friends and yet their actions speak otherwise.  I refuse to be in a situation where my instincts tell me I'm not wanted.  People don't understand that for some reason. 


I also realize that my tender spots are more vulnerable than I want them to be. I get hurt but refuse to let someone know it.  They don't do it intentionally and I have a hard time communicating my intentions and my perceptions and reactions to them.  I want to be all thick skinned, strong, unable to be deeply hurt by someone who has no clue to what they are doing (or not doing).  I think this is part of where I get the reputation of being intimidating comes from.


It also comes from me knowing what I want, having no problems going after it, being mostly self-sufficient (not needing to be saved), spiritually strong in the knowledge of who my core is and my relationship with my own sexuality, spirit, and heart. 


I don't want to be intimidating.  I don't want people not to want to be around me because they misunderstand my intentions (or because I mis-present my intentions?).  I don't want someone to avoid nor ignore me because they may be misconstrue what I am saying or doing.


I don't know. Now I'm getting into the babbling stage so I'm going to go shower and think about things again, so that I don't over-react.

Processing

So much has gone on in the past week. Learning to let go of being a mom for a while and reconnecting with my individual spirit has been a big one.  Looking at who I am and what I am not.  It isn't easy.

Some things I tagged to remember about Portland.

Military everywhere

Everywhere I look here in Portland I see military gear. BDUs here, a backpack here. Lots of old cold weather coats and new gortex jackets.  I'm not use to that. It is curious to me.

Baby across the street

There was a baby across the street in the arms of her father. She saw her mom across the street (my side) and got excited. She pointed and giggled and waved and yelled at her mom in baby babble.  It was soooo cute.

Did you get her number?

While walking down Hawthorne I saw a couple of young men (mid 20s) intent on collecting as many numbers of hot girls as they could.  It amused me and saddened me.  To think that is their perception of what a woman is for...to be a part of a game was disturbing.  There was a lack of respect. I was grateful that these type of men would never be interested in a woman like me and I would pass through unseen. Any man who deserves me must respect me and all women, and men for that matter. And respect themselves. 

Window washer

While at Powell's I had a cup of coffee while reading a few things.  I managed to score the corner seat that had window views of Burnside and 11th street.  I love to people watch. There was a man washing the windows.  I held up a sign that asked him if he ever got uncomfortable with people on the inside watching him.  He shrugged and said not really. We had a short conversation through me writing on scraps of napkins and his personal version of sign language.

Short EVERYTHING

Short skirts and tights are everywhere!!! And some of them should NOT be wearing them.  What purpose does practically showing EVERYTHING achieve? Have I become old? LOL

Dogs

Portland is the most dog friendly town I have ever seen!! They are in stores and outside stores. They are in cars and walking down the street, some in sweaters. 

Watching out the fishbowl

Sitting in the corner of the coffee shop in Powell's I was able to people watch, and be people watched too I realized. It made me think about fish in a fishbowl people watching.

Sun!

I have been lucky in that every time I venture out the sun comes out to greet me and accompany me on my travels.

Homeless

While downtown yesterday I was mistaken for a homeless person.  There are many many of them visible in Portland, if you know what you are looking at.  This is a long post that I am still processing and will have its own Note later on.