Family Lessons

My father showed up with no notice this weekend. Totally threw my plans into a tizzy. I have been trying to come from the grace that I will accept the love he gives in the manner he gives and not place my expectations on him. Not always easy but I'm trying.

My father still tiptoes around me after I blew up at him. He finally admitted (a year after the fact) that he remarried. He has lost weight and seems happier and healthier. Still haven't met his wife yet. I'm under the impression that they are scared on introducing her to me. Considering the situation, I can understand why. I do still have my reservations and my pain but I'm working on it.

Another shadow I am working on is that concerning my sister. I am so proud and adore her so much. The tattoo on my back of the angel with the star is in her honor. But I guess that growing up I hurt her so much that any apologies I have made or will make is insufficient. She wants nothing to do with me. And yet my daughter adores and idolizes her.

Considering how I feel about family, that of blood and that of chosen, combined with the alienation I feel from a majority of the frimily I have accumulated in the past 5 years I'm feeling pretty much alone.

Why am I still torturing myself?

Confuzzled

Apparently my neighbors still don't get the concept that the foyer and stairwell only carry their conversations to every single door in the building.

A very nice (male) neighbor was talking to a male friend of his saying that it was his (and his wife's) opinion that said friend and I would get along great and he should ask me out. Said friend replied " Oh no, I can't go out with a woman who has bigger balls than I do"

*head to desk*

You know, if this wasn't a reoccurring theme I wouldn't worry about it.

From the movie Circle of Friends: "You mustn't mess me about. I know I may look like a rhinoceros, but I've got quite a thin skin really. "

“The Myth of Female Inferiority”

by Erica Jong

The best slave
does not need to be beaten
She beats herself.
Not with a leather whip,
or with sticks or twigs,
not with a blackjack
or a billy club,
but with the fine whip
of her own tongue
& the subtle beating
of her mind against her mind.
For who can hate her half so well
as she hates herself?
and who can match the finesse
of her self-abuse?
Years of training
are required for this.